The First Affair [Archive] - MuscleChemistry.com

Gear101*

03-12-2002, 03:58 PM

>The First Affair
>
> > > >
>
> > > > There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful
>
> > > > teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son
>
> > they
>
> > > > always wanted.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > After months of trying, the Wife became pregnant and sure enough,
>
> > nine
>
> > > > months later delivered healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to
>
> > the
>
> > > > nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to
>
> > see the
>
> > > > ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that
>
> > there
>
> > > > was no way that he could be the father of that child.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a
>
> > stern
>
> > > > look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just
>
> > > > smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
>
> > > >
>
> > > >
>
> > > > <img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The Second Affair
>
> > > >
>
> > > > A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
>
> > the
>
> > > > bodies before they were be buried or cremated. As he examined the
>
> > body
>
> > > > of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing
>
> > > > discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
>
> > "I'm
>
> > > > sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off
>
> > to be
>
> > > > cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to
>
> > be saved
>
> > > > for posterity." And with that the coroner used his tools to remove
>
> > the dead
>
> > > > man's privates.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The
>
> > first
>
> > > > person he showed was his wife. "I have something o show you that you
>
> > won't
>
> > > > believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
>
> > > >
>
> > > >
>
> > > > <img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The Third Affair
>
> > > >
>
> > > > A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
>
> >
>
> > > > the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She
>
> > quickly rubbed
>
> > > > baby oil all over him and then she dusted Him with talcum powder.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend
>
> > you're a
>
> > > > statue."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths
>
> > bought one
>
> > > > for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when
>
> > they
>
> > > > went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed,
>
> >
>
> > > > went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a
>
> > glass
>
> > > > of milk.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an
>
> > idiot at
>
> > > > the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass
>
> > of
>
> > > > water."
>
> > > >
>
> > > >
>
> > > > <img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The Fourth Affair
>
> > > >
>
> > > > A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for
>
> > a beer.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The barman replied "Yes."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a
>
> > nice juicy
>
> > > > T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
>
> > >
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "Certainly sir," replies the bartender, but all that comes to real
>
> > money."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this
>
> > place?"
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."
>
> > > >
>
> > > >
>
> > > > <img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>*<img src="http://musclechemistry.mantisforums.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/devil.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt='**'>**
>
> > > >
>
> > > > The Fifth Affair
>
> > > >
>
> > > > Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining candlelight vigil
>
> > by his
>
> > > > side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
>
> > > >
>
> > > > Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale
>
> > lips
>
> > > > began to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my
>
> > love,"
>
> > > > she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice "I have
>
> > something I
>
> > > > must confess to you."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
>
> > "Everything's all
>
> > > > right, go to sleep."
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your Sister,
>
> > your
>
> > > > best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!"
>
> > > >
>
> > > > "I know" Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you.
>